You feel confused and worried that you will never find
the “right” person.
Maybe you have been involved in unhealthy relationships, and you don’t trust your judgment anymore. Perhaps you struggle with feeling confident in your relationships, afraid that if you get too close, your partner just might leave. Perhaps you’ve tried your hardest to find a partner you can be happy with, only to find yourself repeating the same dating patterns.
You feel frustrated and discouraged, wondering if you will ever be able to enjoy a healthy, secure relationship. You might notice that you are:
Troubled by the past— you suspect that a difficult relationship with a parent may be the reason you date the same type of person repeatedly; you may even think that you’re afraid of not being good enough, of not being wanted, or of being abandoned. Perhaps you have also frequently jumped too quickly into physical intimacy in your previous relationships— hoping for love, but feeling used or guilty when the relationships end. Or, you may have had a few abusive or traumatizing dating experiences, and you wonder if you are “doomed” to repeating the same experience.
Confused about the present— when on your own, you are unsure of how to identify a healthy person to date, and when in a relationship, you feel unsure about the security or health of your relationship. You feel confused about the relationship issues you encounter— are they issues that can be worked through? Or are they signs for me to leave the relationship? How do I make the right call?
Worried about the future— many happily committed women around you say that “you will just know” when you meet the right person. You wonder if that’s true or if you will make a big mistake. You feel exhausted sometimes by the dating process and you wonder if you should just stop trying.
You really would like to begin and maintain a healthy relationship,
if only you understood how to do so!
Counseling tailored specially to the
concerns of young women can help.
Together, we will:
Explore and clarify your relationship patterns
Pinpoint underlying emotional wounds or fears that contribute to unhealthy patterns
Discuss opportunities for healing those wounds or fears
Gain knowledge of how to build healthy intimate relationships
Build skills for assessing and addressing the challenges you encounter in your relationships
You do not have to feel embarrassed or ashamed of your relationship experiences. I approach counseling with empathy and with the understanding that we all experiment in our relationships— to discover who we are, to test our boundaries and limits, and to explore how much and in what ways we can positively influence our relationships.
I will also approach our work with pragmatism and optimism. My aim is to help you enhance your ability to make good relationship decisions so that you can feel more confident and joyful about who you are (with or without a relationship!).
FAQ about Relationship Counseling for Young Women
1. How do I build healthy relationships?
Building healthy relationship begins with building a healthier you. As cliché as it sounds, there is a lot of truth in saying that we cannot expect others to love us when we cannot love ourselves! We all bring our strengths, weaknesses, achievements, and failures into our personal relationships. We therefore have to be responsible for the impact these qualities have on our relationships. When our self-esteem, ability to balance empathy and responsibility, and ability to discern healthy from unhealthy behaviors are strengthened, we are better equipped to leave unhealthy relationships and to build strong and secure relationships. While there might be no perfect relationships, we can enjoy happier and more resilient ones!
2. Why do I keep attracting the same (wrong) kind of person?
This is a great question— one that has been of interest to therapists and researchers for decades! A variety of theories have emerged that contribute to our understanding of why we tend to attract, and are attracted to, similar types of people. Some believe that we do this because our subconscious is repeatedly trying to deal with unresolved emotional needs and wounds. Others say that we are attracted to people who reinforce the attachment style we formed with our caregivers during childhood. Still others might emphasize the role of familiarity— that we are attracted to people and situations we are familiar with because humans are born pattern-seekers. Regardless of perspective, therapists and researchers share the same goal— to break behavior patterns through intentional healing and decision-making. When we become more aware of our own internal needs and habits, we can be more intentional in our healing and growth. When we become healthier individuals, we make healthier decisions that benefit our relationships.
3. Am I in an abusive relationship?
An abusive relationship is characterized by one partner (or both) engaging in a pattern of damaging behaviors in order to protect their power and to control the other. Abuse can take many forms, including emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, and spiritual. A few examples of damaging behaviors include your partner threatening suicide every time you attempt to the end the relationship, gaslighting (making you question reality or your sanity) when you attempt to address your partner’s harmful behavior, or repeatedly calling you derogatory names. Forcing unwanted sex and convincing you that you cannot trust anybody (including family and friends) except your partner are also abusive behaviors.
If you are unsure whether you are in an abusive relationship, I highly recommend that you visit the following websites to learn about the various traits of abuse and how to assess your relationship. If you are concerned about what you are reading about abusive relationships, you are welcome to discuss it with me in therapy. If you are concerned about your safety, please discuss this with me in therapy and/or utilize the resources available through these websites:
4. How can I get started with counseling for young women?
Schedule a free 20-minute phone consultation with me by clicking the button below. We will discuss what has led you to seek counseling, and I will answer any questions you might have; this will help us determine if we are a “good fit.” If we both choose to move forward, we will schedule our intake session. I look forward to hearing from you!